Doc Bottoms All Natural Aspray

Oh god, while browsing the web, I came across this product. Yes, they actually named a product Aspray (pronounced Ass Spray). From the good old people at Doc Bottoms (yes it is real I am not making this up. Aspray is an all body deodorizer.



Yes, this is a plumber sniffing his coworkers arse, and getting sick enough to throw up in the sink.



Oh, my I guess she is having one of those no-so-fresh days.

Really they are selling this anti-bacterial hypo-allergenic spray for $14.99 + SH. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn't but can anyone take this thing seriously with an ad like that??? Billy Mays must be rolling over in his grave at this kind of trash! Log onto their site and watch the ad, you will not believe someone actually paid to make this thing.

Antarctica's Red-light District.

How would you feel if your mate came home after spending the night with a member of the world's oldest profession? I think it's safe to say that you probably wouldn't be very happy.

Well, for the first time it has been observed that the male specimen of Homo sapiens is not the only species to pay for someone else's services. Yes, it has been scientifically determined that the male Adelie penguin, which lives on Ross Island down in the Antarctic, also pays for the special favors of a female.

I can just picture it now:

The female gets all dolled up and puts on her sexiest skin-tight tuxedo (what else would a penguin wear?). She then heads out for a night on the town. A potential male customer is spotted out in the distance. She sways her hips back and forth and approaches the gentlemen.

“Hey, honey.” she says in her sexiest Mae West-like voice. “How would you like me to warm your chilled bones?”

The lonely male penguin is attracted to her like steel to a magnet. They agree to terms and do their thing.

Now, I know what you are thinking. (Well, maybe not.) Penguins don't carry cash and they have never been known to carry an American Express card, so just how do they pay?

With stones.

Yes, you read that correctly - stones. Also known as pebbles, cobbles, and rocks. It makes no difference if the payment is sedimentary, igneous, or metamorphic. All types of Flinstonian currency are accepted.

Let's get back to reality...

Actually, the Adelie penguins are known to mate for life. At least that is what the male is led to believe.

Every so often, the female wanders off in search of stones to build her nest with. Since there are no trees or grasses to be found in this frozen wasteland, stones make the best nesting material by default. But even stones are difficult to find in this cold climate. Those that do exist are most likely frozen solid in the mud or ice. The stones are of such great value to the penguins that they will steal them from each other, even though they face a high risk of being attacked by the owner of this hard currency (and this currency certainly is hard).

But wait!

The female Adelie penguin has figured out a better way. She exchanges copulations for the stones. The female slips away from her mate and just happens to wander over to the nest of an unpaired male.

Hmmm… What could she be thinking?

She goes through the standard courtship procedure. You know, the usual dip of the head and the coy look from the corner of the eye. If the male shows some interest, she will just lie prone as an invitation to mate. Once the mating is over, she picks up her payment (the stone) and heads back home to her unsuspecting mate.

Believe it or not, this is truly serious science. A researcher named Fiona M. Hunter of the University of Cambridge has been studying these cheating penguins for years. (Why anyone would ever want to study in such a cold place is beyond me. I was once offered a complete scholarship to do my graduate work in Antarctica. All the money in the world couldn't get me there. Instead, I decided to stay warm and chose a different college.)

Hunter also observed ten different females who played an even smarter game. Each of these penguins went through the whole mutual courtship routine, picked up their payment, and just left before any hanky panky ever took place. Oddly, the males showed no aggressive behavior for being denied their pleasure. In fact, these same females actually had the nerve to return for more pebbles. One female managed to get 62 stones from one male in just one hour. (Obviously, she was the Pam Anderson of the bird world.)

And her husband was the last to know…

Useless? Useful? I’ll leave that for you to decide.

Awesome Painting by a Friend

At Yule I had a real shock, a friend of mine who happens to be a great artist, has produced this for me. I cant wait to see the original. You can see more of his work on the Regnum comic page. Look in the links for it ^^

The description of the Painting from the artist is as follows:

Dear Inkster.

Here I bring a Christmas gift for you, a special one, cause I respect you a HELL lot, I love to hunt with you and you're one of best people around I can consider a friend, which makes me proud \o/

I wanted to imitate Rembrandt but as always I failed, I hope you enjoy what has been done anyway ;D took quite some time! Pizdzius Swedzioszek

2 = 1

Proof that 1 equals 2


a = b
a^2 = a*b
a^2-b^2 = a*b-b^2
(a+b)(a-b) = b(a-b)
(a+b) = b
a+a = a
2a = a

THEREFORE

2 = 1

New regnum Client Launch today

From the NGD website:

Hello everyone,

As you may already know, tomorrow Wednesday 16th we will finally launch the Regnum Online Engine Update.

As we said before, a new download of the client will be mandatory. To help you with the download process we have designed a new installation scheme with an auto downloader featuring pausing and resuming, we have also installed more download servers to be able to handle the load.

This is a very important milestone for NGD Studios, for Regnum and for Regnum’s future, but considering some of the constraints that we have as a development studio it is going to be a tumultuous transition.

The main objectives of this update were:

1 - To increase performance on high-end hardware, allowing us to add more graphical effects and in the future, high definition player characters.

2 - To increase the performance on mid-end hardware with similar graphics to our previous version (shader model 2).

3 - To fix the client side stalls and hiccups that generated client side LAG when entering populated areas making the game unplayable.

4 - To increase performance on low end hardware regardless of the graphics quality.

5 - To have a more stable/reliable version of the engine in order to continue improving, fixing and adding features to the game.

While we think that we have achieved good results on 1, 2, 3 and 5, we believe that point 4 will need more work after the launch.

These are the main problems you may encounter and some possible solutions:

1 - Compatibility problems:

Update your OS and the drivers for your GPU and hardware in general.

2 - Performance problems:

Update your OS and the drivers for your GPU and hardware in general.

Try lowering your settings / shader model, the new Regnum is trying to do much more things in this version so it may run slower if you push it to the max and do not have the appropriate hardware.

3 - Stability problems (crashes):

Update your OS and the drivers for your GPU and hardware in general.
Send us your crash information and please have some patience.

We really need your support during this transition so we can fix everything.

If the game doesn’t run properly on your system please don’t panic, just give us as much information as possible so we can fix your problems.

Problems with Intel graphics card users

As you know, the only hardware that we support officially is nVidia and ATI. In the last year, Intel users have been able to play so far as the previous engine matured. Now, according to our stats, there is a big percentage of Intel graphic card users that play Regnum and we want them to continue playing and to enhance their experience.

We bought low end Intel cards and we are doing some last minute changes to increase performance but we are still slower in some cases (specially Intel cards on Linux).

Please understand that this is not our fault completely, Intel hardware has not been designed for high end games and Regnum made a step in that direction.

Specially, Intel’s support for OpenGL is really bad and that’s why our problems are even worse in Linux.

If you have an Intel card, please try running the game in fixed mode and disable particle effects, and hang in there until we take the best performance out of your hardware.

Problems with other unsupported graphics cards users (S3, SIS and VIA):

We made our best efforts to support your hardware, as you may know already this graphics cards are not designed with gaming in mind and have an even worse record on having appropriate features and drivers than Intel’s.

We won’t (as we didn’t before) officially support your hardware as it is not cost effective for our company. Please try playing in safe mode and send your reports anyway as we will try to fix your problems too.

Conclusion

Once again, we really need your support during this transition so we can fix everything.

I hope you can appreciate the 10 months of work that where invested into this new engine and that when we fix most issues this upgrade will imply a much greater potential for our game. Now, we will continue fixing gameplay issues, balance and adding all the features we can as we have always planned.

Best regards,
The Regnum Development Team
__________________
Kailer

Hope it goes really well for them

putting your brain on notice

*NOTICE*

Because of heavy processing requirements, we are currently using some of your unused brain capacity for backup processing. Please ignore any hallucinations, voices or unusual dreams you may experience. Avoid all concentration-intensive tasks until further notice.


Thank You,

The Management.

Another recipe Idea

See how fast you can read this out loud

Pickled Pork & Penguin Pie

Ingredients:

1/4 lbs. Pork parts
1 Penguin
Pickle paste
Pea pods
Peppers
Prunes (Pitted)

To prepare:

Par-broil pork parts and place pieces partially in pre-positioned pie pan. Proceed with peeling penguin.
Pummel and puree penguin pieces post-peeling. Promptly pour penguin puree in pie pan.
Prepare pickle paste and apply to pie. Partition protruding pork parts with pea pods and peppers.
Perch pitted prunes upon protruding pork parts. Chill and serve. MmmmmMmmm

Ill be adding a couple more recipes in the next few days, Gordon Ramsey eat your heart out

Body Baking

Basically, the concept is to cook a meal using your own body heat, while your working out, jogging etc... For instance:

Hickory-Smoked Armpit Chicken

Simply cut chicken into halves, soak in special seasonings, tie (using twine) halves over shoulders, so that chicken segments rest comfortably inside armpits.

Now go for your daily jog. After about four miles, your chicken should be ready.Yum yum. It's fast, it's fun, it's self-basting, but most important, it tastes Great!

Workout time may vary, depending on how much heat your body produces.

-Here are some more ideas:-

Honey-Glazed Cleavage Ham
Pot Belly Stew
Double Chin Chili
Crotch Brownies
Butt-Crack Biscuits

Use your imagination and invent your own dish. You can even cook more than one item at a time. Of course, stouter bodies produce extra heat and provide larger cooking areas, therefore the potential exists for more varied and larger portions of body baked food to enjoy


And For Dessert..

Lemming Meringue Pie

Ingredients:

1/4 cup cream
Pie crust (graham cracker)
4 egg whites
1/2 tsp. salt
1 tbls. vanilla
1/2 cup sugar
2 medium sized Lemmings

First you'll be needing some Lemmings To achieve this, find a tall cliff that is well known for its Lemming sightings. Place a large pot 15 ft. from the base of the cliff, (or a bunch of 'em if your having a party) and wait.

Now, their are some of you out there who refuse to eat meat because of your moral belief's about the slaughter of animals. Well here is a delicious guilt free meal that virtually kills itself.

Now if you've played your cards right, it will be around midnight and you should be hearing a low rumbling from above. Lick your lips, for soon it'll be a'raining moronic, moon chasing Lemmings..SLURP!

To prepare:

De-fur, de-bone and puree Lemmings. Pour into pie crust. Mold (with spatula) to fit pan.
Separate egg white. Half whip whites. Mix cream, salt, vanilla, and sugar. Add whites and whip. Spoon over Lemming puree and bake uncovered at 450º for 45 min.- Bon Appetite!

On their Way to Samal

The journey to Ignis is going really good so far, for the army had reached PM without any trouble. It isn't till they get to the bridge where they encounter trouble, there is no bridge. The army is very disappointed. The only way to get to Ignis now is to get some Syrtian boats.

"Crap!" Lucinda Wintersun shouts. "Why'd we have to dump that one boat down by Central Island?"

"I told you we could have cremated Mehgan, but no-ooo!" Heglin says angrily.

"Well, it's no use fighting over it now," Eli reassures. "I guess we'll have to wade across."

"Sorry, guys. Can't do," Znurre said. "First, the water is too deep for a Benku (looking at Inkster) and Dwarves (looking at Blu Arrow). And second:" she dips a spear into the water, and quickly pulled it back out. The only thing left of it is the Speartip.

"Oh yeah, we forgot about that defense," Lucinda says. "Red-bellied Aquantis. Surak would hate to get his tootsies wet in that!"

"Very helpful," Inkster groans. "You'd think your species would have more faith in the wizards, but no."

"Well, when we heard about Venom Fang, well..." Heglin explains.

"Despite that, we've pulled your butts out of the fire for millenia," Inkster responds.

"I'm not going to Ignis via PB. My dad always said to stay away from there," Lucinda says.

"Well, let's not panic. There's got to be a way around it," Inkster calms. He looks around and spots a large raft. There is a sign pinned to it. He reads it.

This boat can support a hundred people at a time, and needs seventy-five of them to row. Unfortunately, the boat can only survive fifteen trips. What is your strategy to. . . ah, I hated these questions in school."

"Well, let's try it," Znurre says. After forming a plan, they begin their trips across. Unfortunately, it goes over fifteen and the raft sinks. The remainders just barely escape from the Aquantis.

As they catch their breaths and nurse their injuries, a group of Men walk up to them. Some of them are carrying a bridge.

"Just got back from our lunch break," a man says.

"Lunch break?" the army asks.

"Yeah, near the eastern end of Menirah," the man replies.

"Why did you take the bridge with you?" Znurre angrily asks.

"Well, we didn't want any of our enemy crossing them."

"But what about us?" Blu Arrow asks.

"Well, if you were marching to Ignis, you'd have to be pretty stupid."

"And you were having a lunch break on the other side?" the whole army asks.

"Yeah."

The man is instantly cut down by Znurre.