Thursday, December 01, 2011

Hitler's reaction to not being able to get his favourite podcast

We've all been there, Wanted to listen to our favorite podcast or podiobook, only to find out we have Problems with our Internet Service Provider.

Now imagine if you were a colorful person such as Adolf Hitler, what sort of reaction would he have. Please note! There are a couple of Naughty words involved so view discretion is advised

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Shitty Lights

My isp is Talktalk, last month they decided for some reason to try to take the payment of their services out early, unfortunately, i had not had my wages deposited in the bank at the time. The direct debit bounced due to lack of funds, incurring a charge for the returned direct debit.

The problem is, Talktalk claimed we were given sufficient time in informing us of the change to our
Bill date when their billing servers were in fact offline at the time. The customer advisor even checked
on the day for us and confirmed this, anyway, i paid the bill on card and was assured that the bank
charges would be compensated. Today, i look at my bill to see not only have the charges NOT been refunded but also a Further amount added for the returned bill. On speaking to a Talktalk advisor today they agreed they had tried to take the payment early, they also agreed that the billing servers were offline so there was no way of us knowing of the changes

But basically Tough, they dont refund bank charges even if they are their fault. MY grump old sods recommendation? Don't use Talktalk

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Stupid celebrities – what are you famous for again?

I cant take it anymore – if i have to see/read/hear about

Kerry fekking katona, Chantelle , Michelle Scott lee, Danielle Lloyd , posh spice and the rest of these idiots the British media spends so much time reporting on, i will explode.

These people are educationally sub normal, devoid of genuine character and make no contribution to our society other than taking up valuable space in newspapers and magazines.

I think it sets terrible role models for our children and has already created a generation of slappers who's life ambition is to "bag a footballer" -

footballers – overpaid, badly behaved fekking morons who don't know how lucky they bloody are to be paid ridiculous amounts of money for 3 months work a year. What a bunch of obnoxious grunts.

How have we got to this point – Heat magazine,Now you should be ashamed of yourself for reporting on these moronic people. Who gives a fuck if posh spice has just bought a new handbag – honestly -1/3 of the world is at war and 1/2 is in poverty – it is insulting to give these talentless idiots attention, let alone pay them- i cant work out what any of them actually do?

Remember when people were famous and fans for having a skill or talent most of us didn't? Jacko- Madonna – Tu pac?

Now all you need is bottle of fake tan, hair extensions, pair of fake tits and a smug self adoring attitude and you are entitled to be famous.

Its like everything in the sad world we now live in – cheap, tacky and morally dubious.

When will the British media take responsibility?

Tuesday, January 19, 2010


Why does shopping fill me with such dread? I find queuing so badly stressful it’s unreal.

I was unemployed for over a year and had money problems but never got this stressed. It starts from the moment i get through the doors, no actually i was about to get off the escalator when i was confronted by hell-spawn, i thought i might have to try to go back to stop bashing into the kid but luckily mum appeared to take the thing away. They should be kept on a fekking lead or harness in public, running around, screaming and getting in your way the little fekking bastards! Shopping is the only event to change my personality from easy going nice guy to potential axe murderer. Are you going down that aisle? yes/no make your mind up because i know where i’m going and you, fek-face silly bastard are in the fekking way. Out on a Sunday stroll? Well fek off to the park i’m trying to shop you pair of grunts. Put that fekking phone down and look where you're going. Finally the checkout where i want to wait as little as possible and push everyone else through the fucking window. There’s a problem with someone’s card, i’m mentally sharpening my axe . Now the cashier drops my card on the floor where everyone has been walking so fek knows what they may have trodden in. Finally some utter cretin totally blocks my way so i have to push past someone else’s trolley to get by. Quick get out or someone's gonna fekking die

My supermarket my rules; NO fekking kids, NO oldies at the weekend, NO mobile phones, NO chavs, NO chatting and NO fekking checkouts! In fact, NO other grunt when i’m in there.

People today!

Why is it that some people seem to take no responsibility for themselves as soon as they step outside their front door?

If you trip over indoors and break a limb you can’t sue anyone (I bet someone’s tried it though) but outside anything seems to be game. Trip over a paving slab? Sue the council. Slip over in the supermarket? Sue the supermarket. Trip over a cable at work? Sue the company.

What the fek happened to looking where the fek you’re going you stupid grunts? The bloody compensation culture get’s on my tits and so do all those stupid fekking adverts. Broke a nail while typing on your keyboard? Then call us blah blah oh fek off!

If i got hurt at work i would expect the company to at least take care of me financially if it was long term, it’s just not me to start asking for compensation for my pain etc. etc. The way health and safety is these days i would have thought it impossible to get hurt anywhere anyway!

Health and safety eh! Whoever is responsible for this ridiculous culture should be run over by a fekking enormous forklift! I can climb a fekking ladder without some pathetic training session insulting my intelligence. Get a fekking grip!!!

Changing the subject, can anyone tell me what the fek a facilitator is? I see job adverts for them but the descriptions baffle me.I worked for a company with a facilities department but was confused by it. At times we live in a stupid fekking world run by stupid fekking people who think we are as fekking stupid as they are!


Kids in supermarkets……..FEK OFF!

Enviromentalists……..FEK OFF!

Manbags……….FEK OFF!

People who talk loudly on mobiles………FEK OFF!

Coldplay……..FEK OFF!

Twats who carry rats (sorry, dogs) in bags……FUCK OFF!

Adverts telling me to drink responsibly, eat less salt, eat five a day, give up smoking etc, etc…….FEK OFF!

Reduce your carbon footprint (bend over while i ram mine up the crack of their arse)…..FEK OFF!

Feel free to carry on in the comments!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Bus Drivers!

Rant 4 of the day! There’s almost nothing I detest more than having a dickhead bus driver. So there I was, getting on the bus heading home. I give him some change for the fair which is 5p over, and what does the bastard say? “At least give me the right amount of money. ” As if i'm going to fekking spare you the trauma of using your brain for five seconds to work out that you owe me 5 pence. As if I give a shit about you and your miserable job. The whole reason you’re a bus driver is probably because you failed all of your GCEs in school, and the only thing you did pass was either how to drive or a turd! For fek sake it’s only 5p. Work it the hell out you ignorant shit. If you’re going to be a prick about it, then i’m going to hand you a £50 note next time and let you work that out.

Listening to my ipod on the bus..

Right.. This is rant number fucking 3 today.. Im gonna keep it short and not so sweet.

This morning, I got on the bus and was listening to my ipod, as I always do. This old bastard of a woman who was sitting at least 3 seats in front of me obviously had a problem with this. So, she kept shaking her head, turning around and giving me dirty looks… Oh sorry love, do you want me to turn it down or off maybe? err.. how about fuck you! Sorry, but its not my problem if you find the sound of my ipod annoying.. fucking deal with it! Acting like that, your certainly not going to get what you want! God I hate them, if I want to listen to my ipod, I fucking will and no stupid old cow like that is going to stop me!! And just for the record, I didnt have it on full blast. These people really piss me off.. bloody hell, I cant stand these chavs who like to play music out loud on their mobile phones whilst walking down the high st or something, but do you see me shaking my head at them.. Jesus Fekking Christ. Im sorry to say this but its always OAP’s that have the problem…

A very INconvenient product

As a British citizen, I thought I should bring this to your attention as I feel it is quite an interesting issue.

I have had a couple of incidents with a new milk product called Dairystix. I say only a couple as I wasn’t prepared to use them again afterwards! If you are not sure what I mean they are an alternative to the little plastic pots you get on trains/in service stations etc. Shaped like sugar sticks but with plastic packaging they contain a portion of milk to put into your tea/coffee etc. Despite the not-so-helpful hint on the pack to ‘tear off here’, the milk squirted out of the tube and all down my clothing, over shooting my cup by a mile. On the second occasion the milk still went everywhere and the ripped off top fell in my drink forcing me to put my fingers in scalding tea – which is not what you need on a Monday morning!.

This is not just some aimless rant, I am not the only person who feels this way. After encountering such irresponsible engineering I had a hunt on the net to find out if it really was just me. It turns out that I am not alone. On YouTube I found 3 videos of people documenting their disastrous experiences with Dairystix – all of them ending up covered in milk, for example:

If someone has an issue with anything you are bound to find something about it on Facebook and this is true when it comes to Dairystix. Search for ‘Campaign to get Dairystix banned from all office environments’.

There is even a petition on Number 10’s website to abolish the “modern menace” that is Dairystix. However, it is apparently not in the Prime Ministers power to do anything about, so sadly it was rejected, but still displayed on the website.

A rather interesting point is raised when it comes to their environmental efforts. On the newer packaging, Dairystix states, “50% less packaging than plastic pots”. While this may be correct in terms of amount of packaging used it is not really an advantage as none of it is recyclable. The plastic pots on the other hand are fully recyclable apart from the foil lid. So in terms of what ends up on the landfill, there is going to be more space taken up by Dairystix packaging than plastic pots! Not the message you get from the Dairystix website I might add!

Anyway I feel I have vented my spleen and just wanted to highlight this issue others. If it is in your power to bring it to the attention of a wider audience I would urge you to do so!

T-mobile ad

I fekking hate that poxy T-mobile ad with that stupid curly haired fektwit and his “band”.

I don’t care about you or your wanky band and i sure as fek aint gonna look you up on twatter you little fekpig. And his name would be josh, only grunts and annoying wankers are called josh. I hate fekkers and their non entity bands, the sort of pricks who carry their guitars around in case someone fancies a sing-along in the pub or park you egotistical overblown egomaniacal bunches of utter wastes of space.

Take your untalented selves and all your bastard mates and fek right off to hell you ugly bunch of shitslags.

(What’s that? it’s only an advert? Oh i see, sorry but you get the point. I bet josh has a band in real life the scabby ugly fekking little prick.)

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

High street shops teasing bas**rds

So, why do the high street stores insist on having a limited amount of stock of what will be obvious “best sellers”? almost everything I have tried to buy for peeps for xmas was sold out!!!!! Even worse is that all the stuff I want to get is still being advertised on the telly. I’m sure all they want is for you to go into the store looking for what will never be there and then settle for some other item that is not as nice, but that is more expensive than what you were looking for!!!

Saturday, January 09, 2010

It has to be about the snow

I am fascinated at how snow has suddenly become a story in the last couple of days. Ok, we have had quite a lot of snow in the South but the snow has been hitting the North for the last couple of weeks and the news bulletins have barely noticed. Now of course it effects London and it's in walking distance of the news editors. If they're struggling to get into work it must be news. Maybe I'm being somewhat cynical, do you think?

Everyman needs his garden shed. It's true, really! In Australia some extensive research was done as a result of an initial finding that men with a garden shed had significant lower levels of stress and thus complications as a result. Now it possible for a man to get a shed grant from the Government.

My neighbour has a shed he spends a great deal of time in. Actually his shed is quite extensive and is as good many bedsits I've known. He tells me that when he is in his shed he feels really relaxed. He doesn't know why, he just does. I also have a shed but can't get into it for junk, but us men do need a space that is ours. We can be ourselves, fart without caring. Read comics and feel like a big kid, whatever, no one is watching so you can relax it's your space. A lot of marriages could be saved if the female partner recognized what I'm sure is a universal truth about men. We need to be ourselves and that is not always what a wife/partner wants to see her husband being. Some do, like mine, but most men aren't so lucky. I've been there and donethat.

So to all those women out there with male partners, give him his own space that is genuinely his. I can promise you you'll get massive dividends as a result.

Women's needs are not that dissimilar, but I would be a brave man to discuss that.