Shitty Lights

My isp is Talktalk, last month they decided for some reason to try to take the payment of their services out early, unfortunately, i had not had my wages deposited in the bank at the time. The direct debit bounced due to lack of funds, incurring a charge for the returned direct debit.

The problem is, Talktalk claimed we were given sufficient time in informing us of the change to our
Bill date when their billing servers were in fact offline at the time. The customer advisor even checked
on the day for us and confirmed this, anyway, i paid the bill on card and was assured that the bank
charges would be compensated. Today, i look at my bill to see not only have the charges NOT been refunded but also a Further amount added for the returned bill. On speaking to a Talktalk advisor today they agreed they had tried to take the payment early, they also agreed that the billing servers were offline so there was no way of us knowing of the changes

But basically Tough, they dont refund bank charges even if they are their fault. MY grump old sods recommendation? Don't use Talktalk

Stupid celebrities – what are you famous for again?

I cant take it anymore – if i have to see/read/hear about

Kerry fekking katona, Chantelle , Michelle Scott lee, Danielle Lloyd , posh spice and the rest of these idiots the British media spends so much time reporting on, i will explode.

These people are educationally sub normal, devoid of genuine character and make no contribution to our society other than taking up valuable space in newspapers and magazines.

I think it sets terrible role models for our children and has already created a generation of slappers who's life ambition is to "bag a footballer" -

footballers – overpaid, badly behaved fekking morons who don't know how lucky they bloody are to be paid ridiculous amounts of money for 3 months work a year. What a bunch of obnoxious grunts.

How have we got to this point – Heat magazine,Now you should be ashamed of yourself for reporting on these moronic people. Who gives a fuck if posh spice has just bought a new handbag – honestly -1/3 of the world is at war and 1/2 is in poverty – it is insulting to give these talentless idiots attention, let alone pay them- i cant work out what any of them actually do?

Remember when people were famous and fans for having a skill or talent most of us didn't? Jacko- Madonna – Tu pac?

Now all you need is bottle of fake tan, hair extensions, pair of fake tits and a smug self adoring attitude and you are entitled to be famous.

Its like everything in the sad world we now live in – cheap, tacky and morally dubious.

When will the British media take responsibility?

Supermarkets

Why does shopping fill me with such dread? I find queuing so badly stressful it’s unreal.

I was unemployed for over a year and had money problems but never got this stressed. It starts from the moment i get through the doors, no actually i was about to get off the escalator when i was confronted by hell-spawn, i thought i might have to try to go back to stop bashing into the kid but luckily mum appeared to take the thing away. They should be kept on a fekking lead or harness in public, running around, screaming and getting in your way the little fekking bastards! Shopping is the only event to change my personality from easy going nice guy to potential axe murderer. Are you going down that aisle? yes/no make your mind up because i know where i’m going and you, fek-face silly bastard are in the fekking way. Out on a Sunday stroll? Well fek off to the park i’m trying to shop you pair of grunts. Put that fekking phone down and look where you're going. Finally the checkout where i want to wait as little as possible and push everyone else through the fucking window. There’s a problem with someone’s card, i’m mentally sharpening my axe . Now the cashier drops my card on the floor where everyone has been walking so fek knows what they may have trodden in. Finally some utter cretin totally blocks my way so i have to push past someone else’s trolley to get by. Quick get out or someone's gonna fekking die

My supermarket my rules; NO fekking kids, NO oldies at the weekend, NO mobile phones, NO chavs, NO chatting and NO fekking checkouts! In fact, NO other grunt when i’m in there.

People today!

Why is it that some people seem to take no responsibility for themselves as soon as they step outside their front door?

If you trip over indoors and break a limb you can’t sue anyone (I bet someone’s tried it though) but outside anything seems to be game. Trip over a paving slab? Sue the council. Slip over in the supermarket? Sue the supermarket. Trip over a cable at work? Sue the company.

What the fek happened to looking where the fek you’re going you stupid grunts? The bloody compensation culture get’s on my tits and so do all those stupid fekking adverts. Broke a nail while typing on your keyboard? Then call us blah blah oh fek off!

If i got hurt at work i would expect the company to at least take care of me financially if it was long term, it’s just not me to start asking for compensation for my pain etc. etc. The way health and safety is these days i would have thought it impossible to get hurt anywhere anyway!

Health and safety eh! Whoever is responsible for this ridiculous culture should be run over by a fekking enormous forklift! I can climb a fekking ladder without some pathetic training session insulting my intelligence. Get a fekking grip!!!

Changing the subject, can anyone tell me what the fek a facilitator is? I see job adverts for them but the descriptions baffle me.I worked for a company with a facilities department but was confused by it. At times we live in a stupid fekking world run by stupid fekking people who think we are as fekking stupid as they are!

Bus Drivers!

Rant 4 of the day! There’s almost nothing I detest more than having a dickhead bus driver. So there I was, getting on the bus heading home. I give him some change for the fair which is 5p over, and what does the bastard say? “At least give me the right amount of money. ” As if i'm going to fekking spare you the trauma of using your brain for five seconds to work out that you owe me 5 pence. As if I give a shit about you and your miserable job. The whole reason you’re a bus driver is probably because you failed all of your GCEs in school, and the only thing you did pass was either how to drive or a turd! For fek sake it’s only 5p. Work it the hell out you ignorant shit. If you’re going to be a prick about it, then i’m going to hand you a £50 note next time and let you work that out.

Listening to my ipod on the bus..

Right.. This is rant number fucking 3 today.. Im gonna keep it short and not so sweet.

This morning, I got on the bus and was listening to my ipod, as I always do. This old bastard of a woman who was sitting at least 3 seats in front of me obviously had a problem with this. So, she kept shaking her head, turning around and giving me dirty looks… Oh sorry love, do you want me to turn it down or off maybe? err.. how about fuck you! Sorry, but its not my problem if you find the sound of my ipod annoying.. fucking deal with it! Acting like that, your certainly not going to get what you want! God I hate them, if I want to listen to my ipod, I fucking will and no stupid old cow like that is going to stop me!! And just for the record, I didnt have it on full blast. These people really piss me off.. bloody hell, I cant stand these chavs who like to play music out loud on their mobile phones whilst walking down the high st or something, but do you see me shaking my head at them.. Jesus Fekking Christ. Im sorry to say this but its always OAP’s that have the problem…

T-mobile ad

I fekking hate that poxy T-mobile ad with that stupid curly haired fektwit and his “band”.

I don’t care about you or your wanky band and i sure as fek aint gonna look you up on twatter you little fekpig. And his name would be josh, only grunts and annoying wankers are called josh. I hate fekkers and their non entity bands, the sort of pricks who carry their guitars around in case someone fancies a sing-along in the pub or park you egotistical overblown egomaniacal bunches of utter wastes of space.

Take your untalented selves and all your bastard mates and fek right off to hell you ugly bunch of shitslags.

(What’s that? it’s only an advert? Oh i see, sorry but you get the point. I bet josh has a band in real life the scabby ugly fekking little prick.)

High street shops teasing bas**rds

So, why do the high street stores insist on having a limited amount of stock of what will be obvious “best sellers”? almost everything I have tried to buy for peeps for xmas was sold out!!!!! Even worse is that all the stuff I want to get is still being advertised on the telly. I’m sure all they want is for you to go into the store looking for what will never be there and then settle for some other item that is not as nice, but that is more expensive than what you were looking for!!!

Fekking Telesales

Ok, there is nothing new about cold calls, despite the fact we all hate them, despite the fact we are rude to the callers they still keep calling. It's a fact of life and that's that. What upsets me is the lack of inventiveness to the callers these days. i just got off the phone to one, you know they type:

"Helloooooo, we are doing a survey"
yeeess
"don't worry we are not selling anything"
uhhuh
"I just wanted to ask 2 simple questions"
ahhhhh

"As an incentive you may win a FREE gift voucher"
Ooooooo - ok then, go ahead
"Do you own your own home?"
Errrrrrrr - yes (It's a vanity thing, you have to admit it, don't you?)
"Great! Now, second question, if you could replace your kitchen, bathroom for FREE which would you pick..........?

Recognise the trap? It won't be for free and it will mean follow ups very soon. Now what do you do?
My usual one to this question has been "none of them, we have just replaced the lot".
Needless to say they pack up at that point and you don't get your FREE voucher!!

So, what are the follow ups to this type of call? Answer the question with "I would probably choose a kitchen" and you will win the "voucher" with the benefit of a follow up call at a later date (like I had today) starting.............

"Helloooooo, you answered a survey a while ago saying you would like to replace your kitchen and we have estimators in your area so we would like the opportunity to give you a FREE estimate for a luxury designer kitchen?"

I don't need an estimate, they told me how much it would cost.

"Really? Oh, errrrr, so you have had an estimate?"

No, I don't need an estimate, they told me how much it would cost and you can come and fit the kitchen on Monday please.

"Errrr, I'm a bit confused here, can you confirm the cost they gave you?"

Yes, it was FREE. The question was "if you could replace your kitchen or bathroom for FREE which would you pick" So, I'll have the FREE kitchen please, is Monday ok with you?

Oh, and while you are on the phone can I order my FREE bathroom too? Make that Tuesday please, we don't want the workmen getting in each others way.

"I think you misunderstood Sir, it's not FREE but of course you don't have to pay the full price because you won the FREE gift voucher which knocks a huge 10% off the price!!!"

Ahhhhhhhh,, ok this may be a strange question but when you do the survey why don't you say "If you could replace your kitchen or bathroom for several thousand pounds, which would you pick"

"I don't think that would work from a marketing perspective, I have a feeling most people would just say "no" or hang up"

NO?!

REALLY?! .......................click


10 Minutes later....

"You really are an ass-hole aren't you"

Absofuckinglutely!...."you fuc"..click


Inkster 2 - telesales 0

Global warming confirmed, half of the world is buried in SNOW

After spending X billion $ in Copenhagen on a totally fucking useless, worthless conference (well the hotels and food were OK) whilst leaving Denmark the delegates were personally treated to the effects of Global Warming, SNOW, SNOW, AND EVEN MORE BLOODY SNOW!

This is certain proof that the perpetrators behind the theory of Global Warming are correct, half of the world has now been buried in snow and ice!

Predictions of deserts and cactus growing in the Alaskan plains and sand storms in Siberia have been put to bed for this year.

As Polar Bears and Walrus bask in the freezing cold and people try to remove their vehicles stuck in the ice and snow scientists are rapidly revising their predictions claiming, OK, maybe in 600000 years it could happen, maybe.

As Obama and the rest of the clowns pissed off to their Ski holidays in the fresh snow to enjoy a super White Christmas lets all count the cost of this FAB conference and wish the Chinese had foot the fucking bill!!!!

Free crap versus loyalty in the newspaper world

Newspapers have really stepped up their promotional schedule in the last few weeks. But is anything that they have given away worth having?

Last week the Mail on Sunday gave away DVD of a new unreleased film that probably would have done no business at the cinema. Therefore the distributors probably gambled that they would make more money from what the Mail paid them and the marketing they put behind it. Ultimately a crap film is still a crap film even when it is free! Did anyone watch it and if they did did they finish it?

The Times this week were giving away a real first, free REM iTunes tracks to help promote their new live album. The only problem with this is that half the tracks are some of their best music and any self respecting music fan would already have them. Who wants a live album anyway, they’re rarely as good as the original versions and REM have had better days. Nice idea but where’s the value apart from for REM’s record company’s marketing department?

The Mail on Sunday have given away a best of Robbie Williams CD this week, again to support the release of his new album. But again if you wanted his best music wouldn’t you already have it by now? So the Mail are happily being the main platform of the record company’s marketing campaign and 95% of the CD’s will never get played. How does the consumer benefit?

For all the instant sales that these promotions may gain the promiscuous readers that take these up will jump paper for the next freebie next week so where’s the marketing value?

The way forward for newspaper promotions and partnerships surely has to be The Times’ new loyalty scheme Times+. This imaginative scheme rewards loyal readers on a long term basis with exclusive content, offers, prizes and money can’t buy events like meeting The Times’ journalists. This is surely the way that all newspapers should be approaching promotions in the future, no free crap, no free marketing for fallen pop stars or terrible films but actually thinking about what a loyal reader wants and rewarding them.

Unbelievably Crap British Film of the Week

Statement 1
I watched Red Mist on DVD yesterday.

Statement 2
I watched one of the worst horror films I’ve ever seen yesterday.

Statement 3
Statements 1 through 2 are not mutually exclusive.

It really was fucking terrible.

It’s from director Paddy Breathnach, who did the equally awful Shrooms, and it’s literally impossible to work out what on Earth everyone was thinking when they made it.

It’s even the worst Arielle Kebbel film, and she’s been in The Uninvited, John Tucker Must Die and American Pie: Band Camp.

I’ve just Windows 7 and I can’t work out how to screenshot DVDs, so I had to take photos with my camera when the boredom got too much. Excuse the quality. Here’s a woman who seems to have been cast solely because she looks like Keira Knightley’s less attractive sister:


Here’s a man who looks like a cross between Dane Cook and Mike Skinner:


And here’s the moment when Voldemort popped up for a bit



Mad.

Anyway it’s not remotely scary, logical, well acted, entertaining or original, so if you haven’t already guessed, AVOID.